Self-Reflection

Being in the dojo and practicing gives us an opportunity to take a deep look at ourselves. Our lives outside the dojo are typically filled with "life maintenance" activites: work, errands, etc. This routine turbulence along the surface of our lives keeps us from stopping and examining ourselves as often and as deeply as we should. This lack of regular self-examination can lead to a detached and troubling existence, one where a sense of meaninglessness slowly creeps into our lives. Sometimes we try to pacify this feeling of meaninglessness with material things or drugs and alcohol or some other type of numbing activity. If we are not careful, our lives can end up being driven out of control by things we cannot, or in some cases do not want, to control.

Without regular self-examination, we can forget that we all have deep seated fears residing just underneath the surface of our lives. These fears are different for each person. Some fear death. Others might fear being alone. Still others might fear interpersonal violence. If not faced, acknowledged, and controlled, these fears can reveal themselves at the most inopportune times causing us to react to a critical situation erratically or cause us to irrationally seek shelter in some self-destructive type of behavior.

In the dojo, especially as beginners, we are faced with fears. Everyone is nervous their first couple of classes. No one wants to look dumb or unskilled. No one wants to get hurt or hurt someone else. But no one picks up aikido instantly. Everyone struggles. Yet, it is this struggle that is the test. How do we react to our inability to "get it"? How do we react to looking uncoordinated with the other students watching? Do we get angry, blame the art itself for our shortcomings, and quit? Do we blame ourselves thinking that we are weak and that we will never be able to handle ourselves in a violent situation?

We will struggle with fears throughout the course of our lives both physically and mentally. Do we hide and try and avoid our fears or do we acknowledge their existence and actively work to overcome them? What matters is how we handle this struggle.

All of us should take time out of our day, or a least our week, and reflect on our fears. We must recognize, acknowledge, and confront our fears lest we come to believe that these things lie outside of our control.