Each day of human life contains joy and anger, pain and pleasure, darkness and light, growth and decay. Each moment is etched with nature's grand design-do not try to deny or oppose the cosmic order of things
-Morihei Ueshiba, The Art of Peace
In November of last year, two weeks apart, both of my parents were diagnosed with cancer, mother with lung and my father with pancreatic. It was the first time in my life that I have truly been faced with the possibility of losing someone close to me. By today’s standards, both of my parents, being in their mid-sixties, still had 15 or 20 years left to live. Their illnesses have made that almost impossible.
When faced with such a tragedy, it is very easy to focus on the pain of such an event. It is very easy to focus on the loss. But focusing on the loss does nothing and only shows an ignorance for “…the cosmic order of things…” spoken of by Morihei Ueshiba and many other spiritual leaders.
Death is a natural occurrence. It will come, sooner or later, to all of us. Therefore, it is up to all of us to prepare for the moment when we face it. Additionally, our loved ones will also face death, sometime right in front of our eyes, a process that can be difficult to watch. To ease the difficulty, I practice kansha, Japanese for gratitude.
I do not focus on the death of my parents. Instead, I focus on their life. I focus on how much gratitude I have for their love, their kindness, their advice. I think back to when I was a child and how my father taught me to fish or how my mother taught me to swim. Or our Christmases in the mountains with the snow outside, the heat of the fire inside, and the whole family celebrating together. Or my mother's recipe for stuffing at Thanksgiving and how my father would carve the turkey.
I know that they will die soon, and I do not have much time left to spend with them. But even after they have gone, I will still have kansha that I have been able to spend almost 40 years learning from them and loving them.
Even in death, kansha will allow me to continue to do so.
1 comment:
I'm very sorry that you have to go through this, my friend. As someone with a terminal condition, I understand how hard it can be on the people around me who feel powerless. I wish I had something wise to say but I'm at a loss. I don't share the closeness you have with your parents, with mine. I tried to imagine how I would feel if I learned my father was diagnosed with cancer and mostly, I feel nothing. Once again, I don't think I could handle this situation as well as you are. Please let me know if there's anything I can do.
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